Thursday, 2 April 2015

OAPs Behaving Badly & Bringing Shame On A South Yorkshire Community

 
[photograph courtesy of Metro]


Over the past few nights, British television has sunk to new depths of puerility. First there was a documentary about American grandmothers and their young male lovers. Did we really need to see an 80 year old woman having anal sex up against a tree, next to the main road, with a 30 year old man? Did we need to hear a 90 year old woman saying that she is still a 'squirter'?
Last night, on Channel Five, the depths of depravity plunged even further and took on a more personal tone--elderly ladies from a few streets where I was raised, in the South Yorkshire town of Wath-on-Dearne. I won't say here what these repulsive old biddies were doing, but suffice to say their actions might have been considered too irregular for regular porn--the sort of stuff you would fnd under the counter because it's too vulgar to be even displayed on a top shelf.
Needless to say I have hauled over the ropes by a few locals for criticising the programme.
Anne Mcintyre thinks that I am obtuse, and that I believe that ladies of a certain age need to spend their dotage knitting next to the fire.
No dear, that's not what I think--but a 70-year-old running around naked in a Spanish bar, an another pushing her fingers inside her downstairs bits is not what anyone should be doing, and most certainly on national television!
Ms Mcintyre concluded that I have insulted a beloved family member. No, dear. The beloved family member has insulted an entire community--there are those in the world gullible enough to believe that all elderly women from Wath-on-Dearne behave like trollops when they go on holiday. The ladies that I knew there, are nothing of the kind. They are decent and would never dream of behaving so utterly despicably.
Debbie Harrison feels that such females should not be denounced as 'gutter trash', especially when I do not know them. Darling, I would not WANT to know anyone who behaves like this in a public place, and neither I should imagine would any other decent person! But, if you feel that this makes me a chauvinistic bigot, then I am proud to be thus described! Incidentally, a bigot is someone who condemns someone else for doing what they themselves do. I can say, hand on heart, that I have never stripped naked in a bar and groped a waiter whilst wearing a dildo on my nose!
Michelle Fisher bemoans my comment that one of these females donned a wig and resembled Arhur Mullard (apologies to Mr Mullard) while I condemned one of her friends for what he said about my wife. To reiterate, I said the female looked like Arthur Mullard because she did--her friend said that my wife was a 'c**t' who resembles Professor Stephen Hawkins, neither of which are true.
In conclusion. There was a time when the Barnsley area was renowned for its slag-heaps.
Now it will be renowned for just the former.


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