Sunday, 16 November 2014

Fan Club Forums: Who Needs Them?

I've never liked them, and I hate it when people add me to them because I know only too well that, a few genuinely nice people aside, I've suddenly been catapulted into a melee of lunacy.
If the subject is still alive, then it's not too bad because he or she is still in touch with the real world. If the subject is deceased, it usually doesn't take long for necrophilia to raise its ugly head.
I was recently booted out of one little conclave where I would say around 70% of the patrons were level-headed, but where the "gaffer" was one of those people who think they know more about the deceased than the deceased knew about him/herself.
You know the drill. Jack wore a blue tie at a function on 4 November and gave a 60-minute speech. Says the gaffer: it was a green tie and the speech lasted 59 minutes.
No names, no pack-drill, but I should imagine there are many who come here who will know who I am referring to: the Sapphic Sister who virulently opposes the fact that Mister loved another Mister. Yes, it's the dreaded "H" word.
I wrote a book some years ago, and though I'm not prone to boasting like some, it shifted six-figures and continues to shift, some two decades on. God knows what the reaction will be when my next biography comes out. SS (now where did I hear that one before?) runs a website where every book written about Mister-Mister is listed--save mine. This I don't mind, or the  excuse that whatever I put into it was "unacceptable" and "make-believe".
The source of dissention between myself and SS? She now applauds a new book wherein Mister-Mister tells all about his life--in an interview with a medium from beyond the grave. In fact, so far he's given a TRIO of interviews! Call me sceptical, but I don't care if it's a medium, a small or a large. I dismiss such findings as piffle. I mean, what if he'd confesses to being a serial killer or a kiddie fiddler? Would Mystic Meg--or should I say Septic Peg--have revealed this to the world?
So, there we have it. And a warning to any well-intentioned persons out there. Please do NOT add me to any of your fan forums. Like I say, there are a lot of very nice folk there, but there are also an awful lot of people who I term "corpse wankers"!
And as a PS...
One "Simon Constable" telling SS that I am insane.
With that hat and those glasses, darling, you're the one who looks like a prize bell-end!

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