Sunday, 29 June 2014

Sinitta, Gay Pride & Gussets!

So, the latest news is a woman who still hasn't found the talent she never had, and who shrieks her latest single flanked by two musclemen while fighting to keep her camel's foot from dropping out of her gusset is supposed to teach us all about tolerance, is it?

Sinitta has tried it all, now. Her last attempt was to enter 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here' and shriek and cack her pants each time she had to face a task--which was more than she would have done had she not shrieked and cacked her pants because we Brits like to watch idiots making bigger idiots of themselves. Give me a 400-pound drag-queen any day!

And these events, where has-been celebs and politicians pretend to care, are supposed to teach us about tolerance--while homophobes lambast the gay community every day, rewarding young men and women whose only crime is love by stringing them up from trees in uncivilised countries? 

Think Barbara, Barbra Streisand, Liz Taylor, Liza Minnelli and Shirley MacLaine, to name but a few. The acknowledged champions of prejudice. Women who fought for a cause without feeling the need to blow their own trumpets.

Might I make a suggestion for next year's Pride? How's about having a public vote for, say, the most homophobic person in the country? There could be several categories, and of course an authentic committee would have to be appointed to veto the votes. Then we could have a medieval pageant. All those lovely chaps who are prejudiced against could dress up--or undress up, it's up to them--and we could have the winners of our Mr & Mrs Homophobe (I've already made my choice) paraded on carts which will trundle through the streets of our multicultural capital to Hyde Park, where they could be stripped naked (now that's a truly vomitable thought with my candidates), put in the stocks, and pelted with rotten vegetables. 

And, before you get me wrong, when I say 'vegetables', I'm not referring to the human kind, for they would be ones in the stocks!

Surely it's got to be worth a try. And if we charge customers one-pound a throw, just think how much money we'll make for Stonewall and Liz's AIDS charity. 

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