CLARK GABLE is now in its fifth edition. Here's the serialisation (Part One) from the Sunday Express.
Sunday, 29 June 2014
The term 'Holy Shit' could have been invented for this creep. The Catholic Church is rife with kiddie-fiddlers, and maybe this twat-in-a-frock should put his own house in order before he starts poking his homophobic snout into other people's lives.
I've had two 'experiences' with bigoted holy men who have turned out to be as bent as nine-bob notes while attacking the love that dare not speak its name. You only have to watch their youtubes to see that they're only nine degrees to the left of Liberace. I'm not saying that about this salopard but in my opinion, before setting fire to the Rainbow Flag--which represents to members of the gay community what the Cross represents to followers of Jesus--he should have first tied it to his balls.
Posted by David Bret at 11:21
So, the latest news is a woman who still hasn't found the talent she never had, and who shrieks her latest single flanked by two musclemen while fighting to keep her camel's foot from dropping out of her gusset is supposed to teach us all about tolerance, is it?
Sinitta has tried it all, now. Her last attempt was to enter 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here' and shriek and cack her pants each time she had to face a task--which was more than she would have done had she not shrieked and cacked her pants because we Brits like to watch idiots making bigger idiots of themselves. Give me a 400-pound drag-queen any day!
And these events, where has-been celebs and politicians pretend to care, are supposed to teach us about tolerance--while homophobes lambast the gay community every day, rewarding young men and women whose only crime is love by stringing them up from trees in uncivilised countries?
Think Barbara, Barbra Streisand, Liz Taylor, Liza Minnelli and Shirley MacLaine, to name but a few. The acknowledged champions of prejudice. Women who fought for a cause without feeling the need to blow their own trumpets.
Might I make a suggestion for next year's Pride? How's about having a public vote for, say, the most homophobic person in the country? There could be several categories, and of course an authentic committee would have to be appointed to veto the votes. Then we could have a medieval pageant. All those lovely chaps who are prejudiced against could dress up--or undress up, it's up to them--and we could have the winners of our Mr & Mrs Homophobe (I've already made my choice) paraded on carts which will trundle through the streets of our multicultural capital to Hyde Park, where they could be stripped naked (now that's a truly vomitable thought with my candidates), put in the stocks, and pelted with rotten vegetables.
And, before you get me wrong, when I say 'vegetables', I'm not referring to the human kind, for they would be ones in the stocks!
Surely it's got to be worth a try. And if we charge customers one-pound a throw, just think how much money we'll make for Stonewall and Liz's AIDS charity.
Posted by David Bret at 01:42
Saturday, 21 June 2014
Saturday, 14 June 2014
Poor Ed Milband is starting to look like death warmed up. Our politicians all have one thing in common--they all drop themselves in it eventually, one way or another.
The Sun represents the most puerile in British journalism. It's the younger sister of The Boston Globe and The National Enquirer, with tits. If they could have got away with it, when she died they would have printed a picture of Princess Margaret naked on all fours, playing hunt the sausage on Mustique.
I was offended when their free chip-rag came through my letterbox yesterday. We get more than our share of junk-mail, and despite what their God might think, there are others in this country who do not support England in the World Cup. I once wrote that I wanted a trio of Sun journalists to end their days in a mangled heap on the M6. This wish still stands. In fact, it would not bother me if they all perished this way. Their sneaky ways of getting stories and subsequently ruining lives is abhorrent. But their free paper caused a tiny rumpus chez Bret, when I saw the ads yesterday which include a Freepost address so that the decent folk of Britain can sent this rubbish back to the Sun. Someone even suggested that the cost of this to them would put them out of business and that they would go sailing down the Swannee like The News of the World--who folded just weeks after making one of my books Book of The Week, and after writing a very nice caption which is now on the front of another.
How can such an act put them out of business, I asked one who knows. Simple, quoth he. Just send it back page by page! Hence the little rumpus with Mrs B, who had used the free rag to line the cat tray. So has my missus, quoth another source, but I have still sent it back. Added he, if they can send shit through the post, they should not moan if someone sends shit back to them.
Personally, I think The Sun will destroy itself one day. There's a big--and I mean HUGE--story out there just waiting to break. It might take a while, and there are so many people who know exactly what it will involve. But it WILL break. My cat feels it in her water--which is now on the front page of her favourite toilet acoutrement.
Ed Miliband apologises for offence over Sun picture
Continue reading the main story
Ed Miliband has apologised for any offence caused after he posed with a copy of the Sun newspaper.The Labour leader was pictured holding a copy of the paper which was sent to millions of homes free to mark the start of the World Cup.
Labour MPs have criticised their leader for associating himself with the paper, which has long been criticised for its reporting of the Hillsborough disaster.
Posted by David Bret at 01:40
Friday, 13 June 2014
So, some of those scroungers in Calais, hoping to sponge of our ever-ready benefits system, have gone on hunger strike and say they won't eat again until they can come to Britain.
Let them starve--or maybe Marie Antoinette will pop her head back on and feed them cake. There are also a lot of dandelions growing around their camp. If it's good enough for the rabbits, it'll do for them. Or an even better idea. Let them swap places with Sun journalists, who I equate with homophobes, racists, and other human debris. We don't want their scrounging, we don't want their dirty habits. These Roma people will plunge a knife into your ribs as soon as look at you. My wife has been attacked twice by this scum.
But, someone says, one of these families have eight children. So what--if Mr Roma had thought about feeding his family before sticking it inside Mrs Roma without protection, he wouldn't have been in the pickle he's in today. Normal people in Britain don't pop a sprog on a yearly basis until they dry up.
And while I'm on a rant and yapping about the Sun, I had some shit shoved through the letterbox today--a free copy of their trash-rag. Perfect for the cat-tray.
Posted by David Bret at 06:31
Thursday, 12 June 2014
I grew up with the horror stories of what happened during the war in the country where I was born. It must have been a dreadful time to live through, and of course while it was happening, no one knew the truth about those trains pulling out of the Gare de Nord and not coming back.
I've been thinking a lot lately about Roger, my godfather who is Marcel in this story. I own the rights to his memoirs, which are 'explosive', to say the least. My first ever book in the French language--aside from the section Marlene and I collaborated on for a French book about Maurice Chevalier--comes out soon, and Roger plays a big part in this.
Roger had three great loves in his life: a famous actor who is still alive, a famous footballer who is not--and the man I call Jurgen, in this story. Effectively, after the war he was punished for falling in love, as the prejudices against him were two-fold: being gay, and loving a German. But, they were happy together, and there is nothing that unpleasant people hate more than seeing someone happy when their own lives have been such a mess.
Neither were Marcel and Jurgen the 'milk-sops', as gay men were perceived in those days. Jurgen in particular was a powerfully-built man who would have de-limbed any man, or woman, who attacked his 'kind' today. This is why I published their story.
As Noel Coward sang, 'Even educated fleas do it...'
Posted by David Bret at 02:00
Wednesday, 11 June 2014
Tuesday, 10 June 2014
The world cup often causes a rumpus in the Bret household, with myself supporting Italy--Portugal, if Italy are eliminated--and Mrs B supporting England, mindless of the fact that my chaps more often than not look like matinee idols, while the England team have often looked like York Street residents. The organisers always secretly hope for England to go out in the first round so that the hooligans for which we are infamous may go home. Not the players' fault, of course.
This time, I must confess, England have a chance--so long as Hodgson doesn't put Rooney in for the sake of it, and the expense of fitter blood. It's sad though that the opening match is with the Azzuri.
I first became an Azzuri fanatic in 1990 when 'Piaf' was published in Italy--though I moaned loudly about the unlucky green cover.
Not long afterwards, Roberto Baggio bought a whole box full, and soon after that I received support from the Italian boys after I published 'Gracie Fields'--one of them had a home on Capri. Since then, during trips to Italy I've managed to meet a few of them--on one occasion over lunch in Burger King, of all places!--and courtesy of Gigi Buffon I have a nice shirt which will see me eschewing my regular black for Sunday's match.
Let's hope I'll be wearing it all the way through the competition!
Posted by David Bret at 05:00
Sunday, 8 June 2014
Saturday, 7 June 2014
[[A 90-year-old Royal Navy veteran is on his way back from Normandy after "going AWOL" from his care home to see the D-Day commemorations.Police were called to Bernard Jordan's nursing home in Hove, Sussex, on Thursday night when staff realised he had gone out at 10.30am and had not been seen since]]
I can see where this one is going. An undisputed hero 'escapes' from a care home and takes himself off to Normandy to pay tribute to his comrades who fell at D-Day. He makes the front page of ALL the UK papers. And now the care-home says that he didn't escape, and that he only decided he wanted to go after they'd bought him a nice new blazer. How patronising of them! Oh, and they add that he's a character, after seeing a picture of him with four lovely ladies. Even more patronising. A hero gets old, and some upstart who is probably only interested in the colour of his money treats him like he's some kind of naughty puppy who's run out of the yard.
Some years ago,we had to decide whether my mother-in-law needed to enter a private care home, or one run by the state. We chose the former because we wanted the best. The first home served breakfast one morning and I won't say what someone had put onto her plate--we took her away, and took action. The second put her into an untidy side-room because a lot of red-tape saw the first payment delayed by just one week--we were told she would be allowed in with 'the others' once the home got their cash. We took her away, and took action. The third care home had a fire while we were in France, and they called to say that they had lost her. We found her a week later, her weight down to 50 pounds and she had to have a tube inserted in her stomach. This time we took her away, and we sued. The home had to cough up and the entire staff in the wing where she had been staying, including the matron, were fired. The fourth home deducted money from the fees, with our blessing, because it was their policy, they said, to pay the expenses if a resident died while the relatives were away. Otherwise the money would be returned. She died, the funeral took place, and the home said they knew nothing about the arrangement. We sued, and found out that there was rather a large amount of money sitting in my mother-in-law's account, which they had 'overlooked'. We sued again.
There are so many problems with care homes in Britain--run by money-grabbers who probably could not care less about those under their roofs, eating pap and waiting to die so that the next customer can have their pog, and proving that the word 'care' should never be used to describe them. The time will come, I'm sure, when ALL of these places are run and controlled by the state.
As for our hero, Bernard, I salute him as a hero. The care home suggests that he asked permission to go to Normandy yesterday, and that for whatever reason, things turned out the way they did.
His comrades didn't ask permission, seventy years ago, when they went over there and died to save the likes of the patronising arsehole who was bleating in the BBC this morning.
Posted by David Bret at 01:27
Friday, 6 June 2014
Don't get me wrong about Vera Lynn. She was pretty good crooning for her time, and her television shows were ace. But why oh why do they keep trotting her out every time there's an important anniversary as if she was the ONLY singer who ever entertained the troops? They make all the fuss about the 'new' album from this 'sprightly 97-year-old', but omit to tell us that she's done virtually nothing new since Adam was a lad and that these new songs were recorded over seventy years ago! The REAL hero entertainers of World War II were the likes of GRACIE FIELDS, MARLENE DIETRICH, JOSEPHINE BAKER, LUCIENNE BOYER and GEORGE FORMBY. These were the ones who really got up off their backsides and went out to the most dangerous places on earth--the Far East and the Pacific, forever putting themselves on the line. If the troops had to do it, so did they--this was their attitude. So by all means give Connie Carson (as my mother called her) some credit, but for goodness sake, don't give her it ALL!
Posted by David Bret at 07:20
Posted by David Bret at 04:25
I met him in 1998 in Chicago when he was plain Mr Obama. He wants to rule Russia, he wants to rule the Middle East, he wants to rule Europe, and now he wants to rule Britain. He just cannot keep his snout out of things which should not concern him. This man has enough to worry about--such as all the loonies shooting one another all around his country, and releasing a bunch of terrorists in exchange for a soldier who deserted and put others lives at risk--indeed, if the stories are true, his cowardice COST several good men their lives.
Butt out, Mr Obama. You may think you're God, but in reality you are doing more to help destroy society than you are helping it. If you're so keen on Scotland, how's about leaving the White House and buying yourself a cosy little farm in the Highlands? You could retire here with a few of your cronies--Bush and Blair would be good at herding sheep, and maybe you could hire a few feminists to wait on you hand and foot, and arrange a few of those gay weddings you pretend to approve of. You could sponge off the NHS. In your spare time, you could go out hunting haggis. Some of the politicians you support are so stupid, they probably think they exist. You might also get a little visit from Bowe Beefburgerdahl--though you would have to keep him in a cage to make sure he doesn't run away, and watch out for that man with the beard!
A meddlesome Obama should keep his nose out of our affairs
By Simon Heffer
Published: 22:09, 11 January 2013 | Updated: 00:24, 14 January 2013
No one who has studied the history of Britain’s so-called special relationship with America will be surprised that the Obama administration is nervous about the idea that we might leave the European Union.
Yet it was outrageous for a White House official to warn this week that our membership of the EU was ‘in the American interest’ and that pulling out would be a mistake.
State Department official Philip Gordon may hold a post that is the equivalent to a junior under-secretary in our Foreign Office but he is the authentic voice of the Obama administration.
President Obama and David Cameron: Obama's unwelcome interference comes at a most sensitive time, considering that David Cameron is soon due to make a major speech on the subject
Ironically, those on the Left who normally revile America — for its interventions in Iraq and Afghanistan, support of Israel and alleged mistreatment of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay — are happy to use the U.S. official’s remarks as a stick with which to beat Mr Cameron.
For their part, it is easy to understand why the Americans are so worried about Britain’s relationship with the EU.
Even if the American's grasp the cultural, linguistic and historical differences that separate rather than unite Europe, what business is it of theirs?
Memorial: As we saw in the tragedy at Sandy Hook just before Christmas, when a deranged gunman murdered 20 children and some of their teachers, America is a nation with a vein of psychosis running very near its surface
Ever since the end of World War I, when President Woodrow Wilson attended the peace conference at Versailles in 1919, American foreign policy has been consistent. It has wanted to reduce European power and fill the vacuum with its own.
As a result, it has always cultivated officials to interfere in European affairs. The meddlesome Mr Gordon is just the latest.
America is well-versed at patronising and bullying Third World countries, but the consequences of behaving in a similar way towards Britain — a country where a substantial, and growing, number of people are fed up with membership of the EU — are very different.
Outrageous: The arrogance and insensitivity of White House panjandrum Philip Gordon beggar belief
The present discontent among many Britons about Europe is not, as is so often caricatured, a question of our ‘sleepwalking towards the exit’.
In fact, we are wide awake. After 40 years of a European project that has meant the loss of sovereignty, and economic turmoil, many of us have decided enough is enough.
If we choose to leave — and I for one hope we do — it will not be on a whim, but after a long period of rational reflection and deep consideration.
A key factor is likely to be the inevitability of Europe becoming more of a superstate as the only way to save the troubled single currency.
This will remove what remains of individual nations’ control of their own economic fate.
Unless we wish to join the single currency, the alternative is to make sure we remain outside the main body of the EU. But even this semi-detached position would still mean Britain was subject to its increasingly anti-democratic policies.
The best course for the British national interest would be to get out altogether. But I fear that the Americans do not understand the sense of these arguments. Even if they grasp the cultural, linguistic and historical differences that separate rather than unite Europe, what business is it of theirs?
The arrogance and insensitivity of White House panjandrum Philip Gordon beggar belief. It is almost as if he, and others in the Obama administration, regard Britain as a colony which must defer to the demands of the imperial power.
However, we are not the Puerto Rico of the North Atlantic. And America should get its own house in order before lecturing the rest of us.
It should not surprise the Obama administration, that British politicians, too, are keen to act in their own country's national interest
Its economy is limping and threatens to get worse because of Obama’s chronic inability to stop spending money his country doesn’t have.
Also, America is a society riddled with inequalities far worse than any seen in Europe, and with communities deeply divided by race as well as by income.
And, as we saw in the tragedy at Sandy Hook just before Christmas, when a deranged gunman murdered 20 children and some of their teachers, it is a nation with a vein of psychosis running very near its surface.
More from Simon Heffer...
- Putin on D-Day beaches violates the very values our heroes died for, by SIMON HEFFER05/06/14
- Talk to Farage, Mr Cameron: SIMON HEFFER outlines a blueprint for a pact between Tories and Ukip26/05/14
- For Essex man, the only way is Ukip, says SIMON HEFFER (who 25 years ago coined the phrase Essex Man)23/05/14
- SIMON HEFFER: The bonfire of taxes that would make Britain boom16/05/14
- Migrants WOULD vote for Dave - if only he acted like a Tory, says SIMON HEFFER09/05/14
- SIMON HEFFER: How Ed's getting redder by the minute03/05/14
- SIMON HEFFER: How CAN we stop Blair sucking up to tyrants?25/04/14
- SIMON HEFFER: Minority rights for Cornwall? We Essex men want them too! Government's grovelling announcement has inspired an almighty outpouring of drivel25/04/14
- SIMON HEFFER: How can this great, UNITED Kingdom - which gave the world Christian civilisation - just tear itself apart?19/04/14
- VIEW FULL ARCHIVE
As for Mr Gordon’s specific comments about the possibility of Britain holding a referendum on our future membership of the EU, he reveals America’s own myopia.
He said: ‘Referendums have often turned countries inwards.’
Such a remark is pretty rich coming from an American whose country is one of the most parochial societies in the world. What’s good for the U.S. should be good for Britain.
Mr Gordon and his Washington buddies must accept that we, too, should be able to decide what our national interest is — whether America likes it or not.
Labour need big brother
The more perceptive Labour MPs realise two political facts: that their party is on course for a general election victory that will owe nothing to Ed Miliband and everything to Messrs Cameron and Clegg; and that their front bench is seriously underpowered.
Hence all the talk — wishful or informed, one cannot be sure — about David Miliband returning to front-line politics.
His party could do with his experience — particularly of the private sector, where he has trousered large sums of money for himself over recent months.
If there is a Labour Shadow Cabinet reshuffle this summer, though, the Tories must be hoping that the economically illiterate Ed Balls remains as Shadow Chancellor.
The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline.
Posted by David Bret at 03:59
Thursday, 5 June 2014
Posted by David Bret at 03:28
Tuesday, 3 June 2014
The sense of pride expressed by officials of the Obama administration at the release of Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl is not shared by many of those who served with him, veterans and soldiers who call him a deserter whose "selfish act" ended up costing the lives of better men.
"I was pissed off then, and I am even more so now with everything going on," said former Sgt. Matt Vierkant, a member of Bergdahl's platoon when he went missing on June 30, 2009. "Bowe Bergdahl deserted during a time of war, and his fellow Americans lost their lives searching for him."
This is a report from CNN. There's something very unsettling about this case. Was he a deserter and did several men die trying to find him? And did his father really grow that Taliban-style beard as a show of solidarity. And why does Bergdahl Sr keep launching into Pashtu, and comparing his plight with that of the Afghans? It's very, very strange. In some ways it's a bit like the Brits capturing a few top-knobs from the Third Reich, and swapping them for a Nazi-captured Churchill.
Then there's the other side of the coin. When I was younger there were no such things as terrorists blowing one another up. Those in far-off lands lived their lives the way they wanted to, rightly or wrongly, and we did the same. I blame all the bloodshed in the world on politicians' squabble for one-upmanship. The British and American leaders in recent years remind me of the Crusades, when knights went off to kill the infidel. It's wrong, and no one has the right to interfere with another's culture. Here, in my nearest town, there was no nativity crib in the precinct because some wise men (nothing to do with Christmas) decided it would offend Muslims. The local Muslims, for their part (my driver is a Muslim) put Christmas tree up just the same, and every Muslim that I know tells me that they love Christmas.
Almost every day, until recently, our news broadcasts showed pictures of young people who have died because a know-all US president and a know-all British prime minister stuck their snouts into someone else's business. Even as I write this and listen to the lunchtime news, Obama is sending troops out to Eastern Europe. I met him in Chicago in 1998--my birthday--when he was just plain Mr Obama. He seemed very nice back then. What is happening in Sudan, Nigeria and Syria is dreadful, but we see only what they want us to see. A young woman is sentenced to death for being a Christian. A man 'legally' kills his wife, with his family's approval. These customs are barbaric, but there is nothing that anyone can do to stop them without causing misery for those given the job of trying to stop them. Our own houses need to be put in order before we start interfering with anyone else's. It sounds hard, but it's true. We just cannot take on everybody else's problems.
The war in Iraq was futile, as is the one in Afghanistan. All it has achieved is misery and the deaths of so many people who should never have been sent there in the first place. There would have been no need for Guantanamo Bay of our politicians had kept their noses out. 9/11 would not have happened. It's bullying, plain and simple. And bullies never like a taste of their own medicine. No doubt what really happened with Bowe Bergdahl will be explained, in time.
Posted by David Bret at 05:12
Monday, 2 June 2014
Sunday, 1 June 2014
You couldn't wish for or even invent better publicity.
And the irony of it all!
He was born 6 May, and had he jacked himself off three days earlier he would have snuffed it on my birthday!
And the irony of it all!
He was born 6 May, and had he jacked himself off three days earlier he would have snuffed it on my birthday!
I publish "Errol Flynn: Satan's Angel", and a man called Lincoln Hurst, who happens to be a priest and an 'ardent admirer' of Flynn goes through the book page by page, as nutcases do, lists all the faults, then compiles a TWENTY page report and sends it to ever major newspaper he can think of.
A second nutcase takes the book to a rifle-range, sets it up and takes aim--blowing Flynn's head apart as a protest against the 'lies' I have written, most of which came from Flynn's own book!
A third nutcase posts all of this nonsense on various blogs.
Then the first nutcase--Mr Hurst, a scruffy looking oik who looks like a good wash would kill him, drops dead of a heart-attack.
The most hilarious think of all--Mr Hurst dies while having a wank while watching 'Captain Blood', and his last words were reportedly, "I'm coming, Errol!"
So hot on the heels of this madness, we re-release the book--along with seven others.
Thank you, Mr Hurst, for coming--and for going!
Posted by David Bret at 02:08