Wednesday, 20 March 2013

The Wars Of The Roses

Those lunatics and detractors certainly have their uses!

Last November I was accused of a heinous crime--there's a book in that which will see at my most acerbic ever, and all well within the confines of the law and public decency--and despite the sterling efforts of four individuals to see me incarcerated, I was completely exonerated. Indeed, I received a very big apology one of my oppressors ended up with much egg on its face. Not that this has stopped it from trying to bait me since my ordeal. I will of course ignore it.
As a result of this, one of my machines was taken away for examination, and as the project I was working on was on that machine, I had to find something else to do for a little while. So I tidied the loft, which is effectively another room of the house, and began going through a few old scripts I had almost forgotten about. Then a fruit-loop began writing to publishers, asking them not to have anything to do with me, if on the off-chance one of my scripts ended up on their desk. One of these editors I had worked with before at my current publisher. We got to talking about my 'loft projects', and she said it would be a pity if they ended up in a skip after my death, which might be imminent given all the threats I have received on behalf of the above quagmire quartet. To cut a long story short, I e-mailed a script on the Monday, it went to the next level by Friday, and two weeks later I signed the contract.
The process was repeated at the end of January. I'd long since got the machine back which contained the 'big' project, but had to set it to one side because now, another publisher asked me to submit a script. 'Nobody could be that bad a writer or so vile a person as these people have made you out to be, so naturally we became interested' the editor said, 'And if your books are as bad as some of these Amazon twits say they are, why on earth do you keep getting published?' My sentiments exactly. The script was submitted on the Friday, and this time the contract was signed four days later.
Now--well, towards the end of the year--I am to published the first in a four-part series about The Wars of the Roses, all linked to the discovery of Richard III, itself one of the happiest days of my life. I am also pencilled in for a 2015 television series about Hollywood, which will almost certainly see me travelling to Los Angeles next year, providing my detractors have not had me bumped off by then. So, all in all, I have much to thank these people for!

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