Friday, 11 May 2012

Lindsay Lohan To Play Liz Taylor & God Bless All Who Sail In Her

Cast your eyes on the ravishing beauty opposite. Have you ever seen such gorgeousness, witnessed such innate charisma. This woman had it all, and she was a goddess. I could never praise her enough. She outshone everyone who appeared alongside her, and when her film career was over and illness began taking over her life, she put others first and raised millions for her AIDS charities.
And how does Hollywood repay her?
By making a film, Liz & Dick, the title alone of which makes me cringe because it sounds like some cheap porno flic where the only interesting bits are the zits on the models' bottoms.
As for the casting, one gets the impression that they have written all the names of the world's worst actresses on bits of paper and dropped them in a bowl, and had Polly the parrot pick one out while hoping for the best.
Lindsay Lohan, who in my opinion would have considerable difficulty acting her way out of a paper bag. Indeed, why not go the whole hog and use the paper bag instead?
It's the worst exercise in miscasting since they almost cast Hylda Baker as her long lost relative, Norma Jean....aka Marilyn Monroe. So, who will be playing Dick? Justin Timberlake? Or will they pick that other sublimely untalented individual, Justin Bieber? Or maybe they'll stick with Wales and cast Max Boyce?
I can remember some years ago how they made a biopic about Garbo & Gilbert, followed by another about Gable & Lombard...both of which disappeared down the sluice quicker than last night's dodgy Chinese takeaway.
Liz Taylor was unforgetable...which is more than will be said for this film.
Best to save your money, Mr Producer. Or rather, put it to better use by donating it to the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation.

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